A Tale of Two Top-Fives

It’s been a while since I last blogged here. Okay, a really freaking long while. I’m gonna pretend that “February” two entries below this one is really an “April.” Shit, even that’s not looking so hot.

Much like one might approach a frigid ocean on an unseasonably hot spring day, I’m going to dip my toes back into the edge of the blogging depths with the aid of everyone’s favorite easy-readin’ entry format: the top-10 list. Even better: I’ll split it up.

Herewith, the top five reasons I wish I lived in the Paleolithic, and the top five reasons I’m glad I don’t.

Top Five Reasons I Wish I Lived In The Paleo Era

1. Awesome hair.

2. Freaking glyptodon, man.

3. No SkyMall.

4. Chance that the sloppy cave drawing I did that one time after a couple too many fermented berries would become the focus of popular attention and thoughtful scrutiny a million years later; even my crappy bowls might have made some press.

5. None of this crap.

Top Five Reasons I’m Glad I Don’t Live In The Paleo Era

1. Lack of opportunity for cheap thrill of lambasting ridiculous food industry, gov’t, MSM, etc via social media.

2. Potential boredom with awesome lifestyle of appropriate diet, adequate sunlight, proper sleep. Tempered slightly by greater risk of woolly mammoth impalement.

3. No SkyMall.

4. Original Queens of the Stone Age attractive but not as rocking.

5. The Swiffer. That is some simple, genius industrial design there.

Additional contributions welcome. 🙂


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Filed under Food, Health, Media, Nutrition

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